Too Close

'STOP SITTING SO CLOSE TO THE TELEVISION! YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOUR EYES!' We've all heard it. Your nagging momma wanted to smack your head, or your ass, depending on preference, for sitting to close to the idiot box. It's time for your revenge. Sport this new classic tee, and defy the odds of getting "square eye!"

Too Close is available for prime time male viewers in the sizes of small to double extra large, and for soap opera females in small to extra large. As with all orange Alexander shirts, Too Close is hand printed by blind youngsters who watched Captain Planet too closely.

Love this show, but not the tint? Don't change the channel. Just order it and tell us what would make this program perfect.